*yawn*
Amazingly enough, I have a 3 day weekend coming up. This is also Hawk's weekend off. IF I can even get a hold of him, this may be the perfect weekend to talk things out.
He is so exhausted every evening by the time he pulls that truck down the driveway at his farm every evening, all he is usually thinking about is food, a shower, and out like a light by 9 pm.
His mind works on about 6 tracks at once, but all those tracks stay in his own little world most of the time. I guess I'm just not a big enough part of it to attract very much attention.
In other news...
I think I must have a sign on my forehead saying "Fruitloops Welcome"
all the Fruitloops here in "Hick" County Kansas are constantly trying to talk me into going out with them.
They hang out in the store, and won't take no for an answer. There is no way to insult these guys, either. They think you are kidding and laugh it off.
Last night it was Marty.
Pretty nice guy, kinda cute, intelligence level stuck in the 6th grade.
Still sleeps with his ex, along with all the other men in the county. He constantly bitches about the way she treats him, and the other men she sleeps with, and then, in the same breath, tries to get me to have sex with him in the back room. Seems to be obsessed with me tying him up. Boy, is he barking up the wrong tree with that one. LOL
Sometimes its Victor, cocky, kinda cute, thinks he is God's gift to women. Spent more time in prison and jail than anyone I know: DUI, domestic abuse, drugs, beating up a cop... You name it, he's probably done it. Real winner. Rides a bike, because he has no driver's license.
Then there is his brother, Bill, who told me the other day (with a wink) that he was going to stop my and see me one of these days... And I thought, sure, bring your wife with you....LOL
Such good pickin's in the single market of Hick County Kansas.
How did I get so far off track from where I wanted my life to be??
I was never going to get married, never have kids. I was going to go to college and get two degrees, Journalism, and some type of Art...
Instead, I started dating a very sweet, submissive, man, and when he asked me to marry him, I panicked and married him, thinking if I didn't catch this one, I might be alone forever.
Now I have worked my a** off in fairly meaningless jobs, (bartender, van driver for the railroad, convenience store clerk, reporter/photographer for Hick County Newspaper)
Finally decided in 1999 to leave the hubby, (some things are just worse than being alone, I'm sorry) then met Hawk in 2001. Been in this same on-again off-again rut since then.
How do I get to where I wanted to be? I guess it's too late for that, but I need to find some other goal... If my 6 year old son wasn't doing so well in this school system, I would move first, but he is doing so well here, and they all work so hard with him developing a special plan just for him, and so much individual attention, I hate to pull him out now. My kids always come first. *sigh*
Sorry... I have been ranting again about my life, when this should be about other things... Oh well, most people have probably skipped this post anyway....LOL
He is so exhausted every evening by the time he pulls that truck down the driveway at his farm every evening, all he is usually thinking about is food, a shower, and out like a light by 9 pm.
His mind works on about 6 tracks at once, but all those tracks stay in his own little world most of the time. I guess I'm just not a big enough part of it to attract very much attention.
In other news...
I think I must have a sign on my forehead saying "Fruitloops Welcome"
all the Fruitloops here in "Hick" County Kansas are constantly trying to talk me into going out with them.
They hang out in the store, and won't take no for an answer. There is no way to insult these guys, either. They think you are kidding and laugh it off.
Last night it was Marty.
Pretty nice guy, kinda cute, intelligence level stuck in the 6th grade.
Still sleeps with his ex, along with all the other men in the county. He constantly bitches about the way she treats him, and the other men she sleeps with, and then, in the same breath, tries to get me to have sex with him in the back room. Seems to be obsessed with me tying him up. Boy, is he barking up the wrong tree with that one. LOL
Sometimes its Victor, cocky, kinda cute, thinks he is God's gift to women. Spent more time in prison and jail than anyone I know: DUI, domestic abuse, drugs, beating up a cop... You name it, he's probably done it. Real winner. Rides a bike, because he has no driver's license.
Then there is his brother, Bill, who told me the other day (with a wink) that he was going to stop my and see me one of these days... And I thought, sure, bring your wife with you....LOL
Such good pickin's in the single market of Hick County Kansas.
How did I get so far off track from where I wanted my life to be??
I was never going to get married, never have kids. I was going to go to college and get two degrees, Journalism, and some type of Art...
Instead, I started dating a very sweet, submissive, man, and when he asked me to marry him, I panicked and married him, thinking if I didn't catch this one, I might be alone forever.
Now I have worked my a** off in fairly meaningless jobs, (bartender, van driver for the railroad, convenience store clerk, reporter/photographer for Hick County Newspaper)
Finally decided in 1999 to leave the hubby, (some things are just worse than being alone, I'm sorry) then met Hawk in 2001. Been in this same on-again off-again rut since then.
How do I get to where I wanted to be? I guess it's too late for that, but I need to find some other goal... If my 6 year old son wasn't doing so well in this school system, I would move first, but he is doing so well here, and they all work so hard with him developing a special plan just for him, and so much individual attention, I hate to pull him out now. My kids always come first. *sigh*
Sorry... I have been ranting again about my life, when this should be about other things... Oh well, most people have probably skipped this post anyway....LOL
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